Tomorrow is Christmas eve. When I was a kid I remember loving Christmas eve almost more than Christmas day, because we always went to Christmas Eve service at church, and then had some of our neighbors in for a dinner of pizza, lasagne, and chili. We never opened gifts on Christmas Eve, we always waited until Christmas morning. And we almost never had snow on Christmas day-- that maybe happened once or twice during my childhood that I can remember; but it was always cold, so it felt like Christmas. Things have changed over the years, and my parents don't even get together with the neighbors (and in fact one of the neighbors died right before Thanksgiving this year) but it is still the cold air that makes it feel like Christmas to me (and I still don't open presents on Christmas eve!)
Our memories are often what inform our present day experiences, and can enhance our enjoyment of traditions in the present or can keep us stuck in the past. Traditions are wonderful because they ground us and help us to honor the people who came before us; but if we cling too tightly to them it can keep us from appreciating the life that is before us, and honoring the people who are with us now. Sometimes it's good to make new traditions; doing so can make our lives fresher and reflect more accurately the place our lives are in at the present time, and even help us to process the changes that are going on around us. Making new traditions doesn't mean we no longer honor or care for or are loyal to the people with whom those traditions evolved, and it doesn't mean throwing out all previous practices and starting over from scratch (unless that's what you want to do). Sometimes it means adding something small, like lighting advent candles each week with your children at dinner; sometimes it means taking the mantle of host onto your shoulders and giving your parents a rest from hosting the gathering. And sometimes we are forced by marriage, job changes, or even death of family members, to change our traditions. Change happens whether we want it to or not.
So remember these tips for dealing with change at during the holidays:
1. Even if you've chosen to make a change, there might be grief involved. Don't ignore it if that happens, but take some quiet moments to feel it and acknowledge it, and then take a deep breath and move forward.
2. Think ahead about events during the year that might make changing holiday traditions necessary. Newlyweds or new parents might want to make their own traditions, so don't make them feel guilty if they don't fit themselves into the usual plans. Death, illness, job losses or changes and so forth are other things that might cause family members to want to do something new this year-- be prepared and allow them space.
3. If you add a new practice to your holiday plans, think about doing away with one as well. It's easy to get overwhelmed with trying to do everything and please everyone-- and it really isn't possible anyway. While you're at it, do away with any practices that don't hold any particular meaning for you-- following tradition out of habit isn't good or necessary. You may be afraid of hurting your loved ones feelings, but perhaps they're feeling the same way you are and would welcome a change.
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